The Journey Thus Far

The hotdog that made me realize my life’s purpose was made with my friend William on the Lunar New Year, Tuesday, February 17th. That evening we had tentative plans with a friend of mine to grab food in celebration. Me and William ended up getting hungry and decided, with limited options, that hotdogs would be our best bet. We had been making hotdogs on and off for the past five years or so, sometimes over summer at a bbq, sometimes at my house over a school lunch break. After a process of experimentation we had invented what we called “Liz and William Dogs”, a dog sliced lengthwise to be cooked like a patty. We’d serve that up on some toasted bread with some American cheese. We also invented something called “Omledog” but I include that among the few true failures of my lifetime.

The Tuesday in question provided a simple sort of dog. Grilled quarter pound beef franks on a toasted potato roll topped with sweet relish and horseradish mustard. Like a part time lover, a pair of serviceable dogs left both me and William satisfied but wanting more. Anger and dissatisfaction sparked in me the memory of God speaking to me. I spent the rest of the night speaking in tongues to anyone who would listen, going on about toppings and study locations and whatever other revelations were implanted in my speech.

Wednesday, the 18th:

I had to go to the store. Two new ingredients entered the mindspace, first, diced and sauteed onions, second, my most genius realization of the entire project: minced ginger. I made one for myself, one for Slick, and a plain for Bella. During the entire cooking process Bella and I argued, she was angry that we invited her over with the promise of watching an episode of our current favorite show: Ted Lasso. Instead we spent nearly an hour cooking hotdogs in a way she deemed superfluous. “You don’t even care about me anymore! All you fucking think about is hotdogs!”. In the end we did not watch an episode of Ted, much to her shagrin, but we did learn a thing or two about the dog: it turns out ginger is an incredible topping for a dog. That night Slick became the first real accomplice in my quest.

Thursday, the 19th:

Katie came over for a night of horsing around. After telling her about my hotdog quest she was adamant that we had to work on it that evening. First we hit the store as we were swapping two ingredients: instead of a potato bun: a new england style bun, and instead of sweet relish: pickles sliced lengthwise. Before leaving two of her roommates requested dogs of their own to try. Me and Katie then cooked up four dogs, one for each of us. While watching Portlandia we ate and critiqued the dog. Swapping the sweet relish for pickle was a good move, but an essential umami flavor was missing. At midnight we delivered the dogs to her roommates, who loved their dogs so much they ate them standing in their foyer. That night Katie became the second accomplice.

Friday, the 20th:

I expected it to be a standard day for the hotdog project - little did I know one of the most revolutionary events in the whole project was set to occur. The entire semester up to that point I had struck an in class friendship with a character who goes by the name “Zinny”. It was frankly all haha funny jokes with the two of us, the only time we had spent time together outside of class was the Friday previous to watch the movie Trolls 3. Our class ran for 2 and a half hours, and to kill time I usually take little notes, jot down the things I am postulating instead of paying attention. That day I had been writing down some hotdog project ideas when Zinny took a pen to MY paper. We started passing back and forth notes discussing the art of the dog. When a 10 minute break hit we got to talking, she told me that she was a great hotdog enthusiast, even going as far to show me a video montage of her eating hotdogs over the summer. We decided that after class we would get a new ingredient, Old Bay Seasoning, from her friend and my former roommate, then make a dog together. While swinging by my former roommates apartment many of her friends heard my voice and joined our conversation, a motley crew formed to join us in my apartment for some dogs. Three major changes occurred during this process - Old Bay Seasoning was added, the pickle cut lengthwise was also cut bitewise to ensure to wrestling was needed, and Zinny diced the onion (a job I was TERRIBLE at). These changes increased the quality of the dog but also made way for new questions. How do we properly incorporate Old Bay in a way that every bite gets the right amount? How do we fill the umami flavor still missing? What do we replace the mustard with to free up the flavor profile? During the eating process Zinny both took a video and described the contents of the dog - something that helps the accuracy of the whole project moving forward. With a third member of the dog council we were getting a variety of good opinions.

Saturday, the 21st:

The next day me and Zinny came together once again to work on the dog and add three crucial ingredients: lemon juice, mayo, and msg. The recipe then stood as ginger, Old Bay, mayo, msg, lemon juice, dog, onion, and pickle. This became the base for what is now known as our general working recipe. That evening Bella requested that I make her a plain cut up hotdog with ketchup. During the cooking process I accidentally set off the fire alarm and the whole building had to evacuate during a blizzard. These innocent people became the first victims of the hotdog project.

Sunday, the 22nd:

We decided to mix everything up on account of me setting off the fire alarm. The night previous Zinny had suggested cilantro or parsley as a good garnish. We also combined the Old Bay, Msg, and Mayo into a secret sauce of sorts. I was too nervous to use the pan (on account of me setting off the fire alarm) so we boiled the dogs, left the buns un-toasted, and cut the onions. This was a favorite, being deemed a member of the “fresh dog” family Slick had come up with a few evenings before.

Monday, the 23rd:

Me and Eliza made a couple dogs which helped me get back into the groove after failing so miserably.

Tuesday, the 24th:

We added BOTH a slice of a pickle cut bitwise AND pickled cabbage. An unnamed associate insisted we test wether or not ketchup would work well on the dog, a sentiment I knew to be completely absurd. She made the point that in order to definitively say that we had to try it once so I conceded. It was awful. Huge wet mess those dogs were. In the end she was right about having to try it but that doesn’t wipe the disgusting memory from my head.

Wednesday, the 25th:

Me, Bella, and Slick got back together to make some dogs while Bella made angry comments. This dog was good but uneventful.

The last hotdog up to this point was on March 2nd, a full five days after the previous. After having the fresh dog the week before we decided that a boiled dog with an untoasted bun was the way to go. We also tried crushed up salt an vinegar chips as a topping. The dog’s ingredients were, from bottom to top: sauce, onion, dog, cabbage, ginger, pickle, pickled cabbage, and chips. We meant to do lemon juice but we totally forgot. There was far too many toppings on this dog and it made for a very weird mouth feel. The top of the bun also became soggy enough that I flat out refused to finish mine.

We stand now at an interesting point in the project. We suspect that the most important ingredients have been assembled, but not in the right amount or order. The coming weeks will include more experimentation, namely with the sauce. I also suspect that drying the pickled ingredients will effect the overall quality.